this week's story: "Perfection in the Work" by KindKit

[kindkit.livejournal.com]

I kind of agonized over which story to submit for critique, but in the end I decided on the due South story that I'm proudest of. My reasoning being that I don't need people telling me about the story flaws I can see already, but about the ones I don't notice.

I'm still pretty new to the fandom, and I suppose my main worry in fic is getting the characters' voices right. Especially Fraser's--I haven't dared attempt his POV yet. So comments about the voices and how to improve them, in both dialogue and narration, would be particularly welcome.

Anyway, here's the story: Perfection in the Work, Fraser/Kowalski, rated R.

ETA: This week's moderator is gurrier, gurrier @ comcast.net.

Comments

[sprat.livejournal.com]

This story blew me away when it was first posted, and I loved it just as much on re-reading. The OC's are so cool (Butch!) and I love the image of Ray in a greenhouse, doing that work that builds you up. Ray's voice is excellent, and the story has this premise that's completely knee-melty and romantic, but in an almost *a-romantic* genuine way.

I think what got me the first time I read it--and this latest read as well--were all the great details about the town of Inuvik, and about Ray's and Fraser's lives there. I appreciated the accuracy, because I think it's easy to write northern Canada as a sort of trackless wilderness filled with traders and caribou and stuff, which a lot of it is, to be fair, but they do have satellite tv and a lot of places have the internet and cell phone coverage and all that modern-day North American stuff (and summer!), and it was nice to see it represented here.

But the detail also let the town *feel* real, while I was reading, and the F/K relationship felt more real because of that. The compromise and the hard work were present in every line--it wasn't a fairy-tale happy ending at all, which for me, made it so much cooler to read about because I could believe it in a way I sometimes can't when I read F/K.

As far as notes about characterisation, I really liked Ray thinking that he might have laughed at Butch, had he met him in Chicago. I'm not sure why, but I've always thought of Ray as the kind of guy who'd have a little of that knee-jerk homophobia going on, even if he was actually sleeping with another guy. I liked seeing a Ray who'd been there and moved on.

One part I wasn't sure about was his deciding not to give the "I'm not Fraser's wife" speech at the greenhouse. I think the line from Ray-in-canon to this Ray is clearly drawn--I could see how he got to where he is. But Ray's inability to shut his mouth even when it'd absolutely be the wisest course of action is one of the things I like about him in the show (a la Mountie and Soul, Dead Guy Running, and, in possibly my favourite Ray Kowalski moment ever, that little sneer he gives Bedford in Welsh's office in The Ladies Man). He's such a little punk, you know? He never knows when to back off, stay down, bite his goddamn tongue, already. And though I think it's true that he wouldn't find a small town livable unless he somehow unlearned all those traits, I don't know if I want him to. ::is evol::

I also had questions about Fraser in the last part of the story--he seemed a lot more uncertain and much readier to apologise than he usually was in the show, after he and Ray had had a fight. Fraser-in-canon is stubborn as hell, and he's really overt about that with Ray--much more so than he is with anybody else. To me, Fraser's ability to let go and yell at Ray is one of the huge indicators that he trusts Ray. Which looks kind of sick, written out like that, but um...at least it appears to be mutual? *g*

But I do find it easy to believe that Fraser could feel that uncertain about everything if the parameters of his relationship with Ray had changed. The concept of actually being *in love* with Ray might scare him enough that he'd be that vulnerable. So this was more musing than anything else, I guess. I tend to like a lot of friction in F/K stories, usually--a sense that they're on equal footing, even if that means they're just each as dumbassed and messed up as the other. *g* But I loved the last scene in this story a LOT. So I don't know. Maybe they aren't mutually exclusive things?

Anyway, thanks so much for linking to this. It was great to be reminded of it, and awesome to read again. And sorry to be all rambly at you. As anybody I've beta'ed for can tell you, I do tend to go on (and on. And on.) :)

[kindkit.livejournal.com]

Interesting. It literally never occurred to me to have Ray actually say the thing about not being Fraser's wife. I see what you mean about his tendency to mouth off, though. But I guess I see that as something he mostly does to authority figures (FBI, Internal Affairs, etc.), whereas in the story, he's talking to an older woman who's been kind to him and who means well. I think, if nothing else, Ray's "mom" reflex would kick in--as in, you don't yell at mom.

Fraser-in-canon is stubborn as hell, and he's really overt about that with Ray

Yes, absolutely. Fraser's stubborn when he thinks he's right, which is most of the time. What I was trying to get across was that this new situation, this love-and-relationship situation, has sort of cut the ground out from under Fraser's feet, made him uncertain and terribly afraid. After Victoria, I can't picture Fraser not being, on some level, deeply frightened of everything that can go wrong in love. Frightened of abandonment, frightened after every little disagreement that he's going to be left alone.

If I gave the impression that this is clingy!helpless!Fraser, though, it certainly wasn't what I intended. After all, this is still a Fraser who threatened to arrest Ray if he started working illegally. My feeling is that Fraser's uncertainty and insecurity here are (largely) temporary--I think he may always be somewhat insecure--and that in a year or two he and Ray will be back to bickering as usual. Maybe I should have done something to bring that out more.

Thanks so much for your comments--you really got me thinking.

[sprat.livejournal.com]

If I gave the impression that this is clingy!helpless!Fraser, though, it certainly wasn't what I intended.

No, not at all! This story really had me thinking, too, because I found these characterisations to be totally believable, but also somewhat different from the ones I see in a lot of other Due South fic. Fraser, when feeling scared or uncertain, is often written as using one of his famous Fraser-ish defense mechanisms (being extra polite or proper, or pretending he doesn't know what's really going on)--or else he's written as withdrawing from the playing-field completely. Which is the problem I've run up against trying to write F/K, especially post-COTW. It just seems like you need to make Ray do way more than his share of the work if you want to write a happy ending. Which always makes me get pissy and write Ray/Ray instead, because with those guys everything's so much *easier*.

But I could believe this Fraser, too, because if Ray can make the guy lose his temper, maybe he could bring down those other defenses, too. It's a nice thing to be reminded of. Now I just have to figure out how to *write* it. :)

[akite.livejournal.com]

Well, you didn't give us much to bitch about, that's for sure. I can see this Ray. No way would he like being considered as Fraser's wife. *g* No way would he just sit at the cabin waiting for Fraser to come home, either. Ray would be out doing things, and you can just bet he learns how to can.

[kindkit.livejournal.com]

you can just bet he learns how to can

I hope so! He and Rosemary could take about little!Fraser. And come winter, Ray could use his canned tomatoes on homemade pizzas. *grins*

[zebra363.livejournal.com]

I see why you're proud of this story. The ending, from But Fraser's got no way to know that, because Fraser's never been with anybody, not for serious, onwards, is just great. I really love Ray's analysis of Fraser's relationship skills. His thoughts sound very in character to me and that whole section really packs an emotional punch. (The something with tomatoes adds a lot, too!)

The one thing that kind of jarred for me was the mention of dancing in the paragraph about types of work. It's something that you'd have to make an effort to learn to do well, but I don't see it as "work".

I also wondered whether Ray would really be all that sore and tired from lifting bags of soil. I like to think of him as tougher than that! Even "city fit" should be good enough to handle some gardening, at least after a day or two of it.

Lines I especially liked:

...makes his own sausage with caribou meat...
...so maybe they bring the normal with them...
...so they can meet here in the middle and be together.

Butch, and Ray's generosity towards what he might get up to with his handkerchief, are great, too!

[kindkit.livejournal.com]

I also wondered whether Ray would really be all that sore and tired from lifting bags of soil.

Good point. I was picturing him doing a fair amount of heavy hauling and lifting (moving wheelbarrows full of bagged soil, turning compost), mostly because I wanted to underscore the whole notion of work and sweat and all that. But of course, Ray is someone who boxes--he's used to hard physical activity.

Thanks so much for your comments! I'm especially glad you liked Butch--I had a lot of fun writing him.

[dannymax.livejournal.com]

"When anybody else would swear, Fraser pulls out the thesaurus" while a lot of fanfic authours portray a fraser that would never swear,fraser has been known to swear [even very mildly] in canon, at the very end of "burning doewn the house" frasers dad says he is thinking of building himself an office, fraser clearly says "what the ""hell"" would you do with an office" i just find that interesting to note and i also think the canon fraser is stubborn and quite capable of sniping and being deliberatley annoying and that ray wouldn't get on with someone not able to hold his own against rays moods and temper.

[kindkit.livejournal.com]

fraser has been known to swear [even very mildly] in canon

Yes, I know. But Fraser swears very seldom. And I think from Ray's point-of-view (Ray, in my mind, is someone who probably swears a lot, even though in canon we didn't see it, since it was broadcast TV) Fraser's swearing seem even milder and rarer. And often, in canon, we do see Frser resorting to circumlocutions and big words when he's upset or emotionally uncomfortable.

the canon fraser is stubborn and quite capable of sniping

Again, yes. And if my Fraser in this story seemed like weepy!woobie!Fraser, I regret that. The point I was trying to get across was that being in love takes away all of Fraser's usual certainty, because he's so terrified of things going wrong and of losing Ray. Hence his need for reassurance, and Ray's sense that Fraser is sort of a lost stranger. But Ray is also sure that Fraser will figure things out and be okay. I agree with you that Ray doesn't want a doormat, and I don't think he sees Fraser, even this insecure Fraser, that way.

Thanks for your comments.

[riverlight.livejournal.com]

I didn't get a chance to actually comment on this while it was up for review--but I wanted to tell you, better late than never, that I thought this was a gorgeous, gorgeous piece. I loved the descriptions of Inuvik, and Ray's voice was spot-on. As was Fraser's, for that matter! At least to my ears. :) I admit I was a bit sceptical about Ray being a gardener--but you made it work, I think. It was a refreshing change from the "Ray moves to Canada and becomes a mechanic" trope.
So, to sum up: lovely job! :)