this week's story: "Perfection in the Work" by KindKit

[kindkit.livejournal.com]

I kind of agonized over which story to submit for critique, but in the end I decided on the due South story that I'm proudest of. My reasoning being that I don't need people telling me about the story flaws I can see already, but about the ones I don't notice.

I'm still pretty new to the fandom, and I suppose my main worry in fic is getting the characters' voices right. Especially Fraser's--I haven't dared attempt his POV yet. So comments about the voices and how to improve them, in both dialogue and narration, would be particularly welcome.

Anyway, here's the story: Perfection in the Work, Fraser/Kowalski, rated R.

ETA: This week's moderator is gurrier, gurrier @ comcast.net.

Comments

[dannymax.livejournal.com]

"When anybody else would swear, Fraser pulls out the thesaurus" while a lot of fanfic authours portray a fraser that would never swear,fraser has been known to swear [even very mildly] in canon, at the very end of "burning doewn the house" frasers dad says he is thinking of building himself an office, fraser clearly says "what the ""hell"" would you do with an office" i just find that interesting to note and i also think the canon fraser is stubborn and quite capable of sniping and being deliberatley annoying and that ray wouldn't get on with someone not able to hold his own against rays moods and temper.

[kindkit.livejournal.com]

fraser has been known to swear [even very mildly] in canon

Yes, I know. But Fraser swears very seldom. And I think from Ray's point-of-view (Ray, in my mind, is someone who probably swears a lot, even though in canon we didn't see it, since it was broadcast TV) Fraser's swearing seem even milder and rarer. And often, in canon, we do see Frser resorting to circumlocutions and big words when he's upset or emotionally uncomfortable.

the canon fraser is stubborn and quite capable of sniping

Again, yes. And if my Fraser in this story seemed like weepy!woobie!Fraser, I regret that. The point I was trying to get across was that being in love takes away all of Fraser's usual certainty, because he's so terrified of things going wrong and of losing Ray. Hence his need for reassurance, and Ray's sense that Fraser is sort of a lost stranger. But Ray is also sure that Fraser will figure things out and be okay. I agree with you that Ray doesn't want a doormat, and I don't think he sees Fraser, even this insecure Fraser, that way.

Thanks for your comments.