this week's story: "In the Water" by gurrier

[gurrier.livejournal.com]

To get the ball rolling, I'm submitting a story of mine called In the Water.

Due South is the first fandom I've ever written in, and the first time I've written fiction since leaving school nearly 20 years ago. That's a long time without worrying about plot, structure, characterisation - anything! People have said nice things, which feels really good, but I'm left wondering. What didn't work? What could I do better? So i'd really appreciate some critical feedback.

This week's moderator is sprat, sprat75@gmail.com.

Comments

[gurrier.livejournal.com]

Point! Especially after I'd had him notice the chlorine... I could claim that Fraser knew Ray was attracted, but wasn't expecting him to make a move, or that he was maintaining his cluelessness as cover. But truthfully I was thinking so much of Ray, I didn't pay enough attention to Fraser.