ds_workshop | From custardpringle: How to write action scenes and chases

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From custardpringle: How to write action scenes and chases

Acknowledgements
Thanks to

sageness for beta, to Miriam for her substantial input to this, and to both of them for hundreds of betas over the years, which have taught me heaps.

So what do you mean by “action scene”, anyway?
When we talk about action scenes, we’re looking at anything from hand-to-hand fights and shoot outs, to car chases. And Due South canonically has a lot of them, so if you want to evoke the flavour and feel of canon, consider adding one or two into your story.

I chose to discuss action scenes because they’re not my forte: watching movies, I often zone out when the dialogue stops, and only tune back in when the main character says, “Phew! We made it!” (And then I have to figure out who died and whether I care.) I’ve been known to write [insert action scene here] in my first drafts, and then I either come up with something in the rewrite -- making it as quirky as possible -- or get help from my betas.

And there’ve been several action scenes where I’ve had to rewrite them half a dozen times, changing the setting on each rewrite because logistically they just don’t work. But when I nail an action scene, when it does work? It’s satisfying, it adds depth and scale to the story, it emphasizes that I’m writing about cops, and that they live in a big complex world that encompasses more than Kowalski’s apartment, his couch and his bed. ;-) And I always feel like I learned something.

What makes action scenes tick?
In action scenes, the primary action is external to the characters, and there are often strong elements of suspense, danger and pacing. But like every scene in the story, action scenes need to relate to plot, character and theme. (Similarly, the suspense shouldn’t be limited to just the action scenes.)

You need to think about what your action scene has and needs, and why it’s there. Are you trying to highlight a breakdown in the main pairing’s working relationship? Are you providing an opportunity for Fraser to face the possibility of Ray’s death? Do you want to show the lengths Ray will go to, to prove himself to Fraser? Or force Ray to trust Fraser despite the other events of the story? Do you just want our guys to be big damn heroes triumphing over infamy and evil? A lot of the action scenes on the show are very well done, and you can borrow inspiration from these very easily.

There are a whole raft of facets to writing action scenes: choreography (who goes where and does what, when), clocks, pacing, point of view, language, and probably others. I'm going to focus on POV and language, and touch on clocks and pacing, and then hope that someone else covers off choreography. If they do, I'll gobble up their words of wisdom with glee.

So -- assuming you know basically what happens, what can you do to give your action scene more zing, more immediacy, more breathless suspense?

1. Tighten the POV
You could say, "Ray and Fraser ran into the warehouse where Big Bart Bastardo was holding a knife to Frannie's throat."

That gives us some information, but if this scene is the climax of your story (A or B plot, either) you want to get some juice into it. Whose POV is it from? What are they thinking, feeling? What can they see and hear and taste and feel? Is Ray exhausted from days of tracking Big Bart, is he doubly scared because Big Bart has vowed to shoot Fraser on sight? If it's Kowalski, does he have his glasses with him? If it's Vecchio, is he worrying about Frannie and about how Ma's going to react if Frannie gets hurt? Is he distracted by Fraser's earlier reaction to his romantic overtures?

Or is Fraser pissed because his father's given him ridiculous advice again? Is he wondering where Dief is? Is his back giving him trouble?

And for both (or all three) of them: how do they feel about Frannie (protective, frustrated, worried, etc), and how much do they consider Big Bart a worthy adversary.

All of these things will affect the POV character's mental state, and consequently, his perceptions. You don't need to answer any of these questions outright in the text, but if you have a clear sense of your POV character's mental state, it'll come through in the writing, and if they're scared or angry, that adds tension to the scene.

A story is like a snowball rolling down a hill: it's cumulative. It picks up reactions and consequences and smooshes them all together, building and building until it smashes into the climax and makes an unholy mess, sticks and leaves and bits of snow flying everywhere.

So maybe that scene from above could start like this:

Vecchio: Fraser led the way into the shadowy loading dock of the warehouse, and Ray followed, keeping a careful eye out for sentinels or other goombahs who might raise an alarm. The tiredness in his shoulders was forgotten: they had to get this right. If anything happened to Frannie -- Ray couldn't even think about it. He fixed his eye on the brown uniform and upright posture in front of him. Fraser had never let him down before...

Kowalski: Jeez, the warehouse stunk to high heaven! Rotting meat or something like it -- and Ray hoped to hell it wasn't rotting people meat and tried not to gag. Fraser slid along in the shadows like an eel and snuck into the loading dock ahead of Ray. Nothing about him gave any kind of sign he'd said the word "fuck" even once in his life. Let alone done it. Ray's head flashed full of vivid technicolor pictures with surround-sound and taste-o-vision. He shook his head. They had to save Frannie -- everything else could wait...

Fraser: The warehouse was likely occupied, given the assembled vehicles in the parking lot outside. Fraser checked his watch and calculated the hours till sundown. Ray was still on edge from their conversation in the car -- perhaps Fraser's revelation had been ill-timed but, well, at least it was out now, all their cards spread face-up on the table.

Voices sounded faintly from inside the warehouse: rough, masculine cursing and -- yes, Francesca, too, her tone outraged and wobbling with fear. Fraser abandoned all thought of his personal feelings and glanced back to make sure Ray was close behind. He was. He met Fraser's eye and nodded, holding up three fingers. Fraser cocked his head, listened a moment, then held up four -- one for Bastardo and one for each of his three henchmen...

2. Clocks and Bombs
If you want to introduce an element of suspense to your action scene, you need a clock (a countdown or a deadline) and a bomb (something bad triggered by the timer). The easy way to build suspense is to keep emphasising both elements (put the time in your story; cut between Kowalski tied to the tracks and the train bearing down on him). For an even greater effect, have your characters respond to your danger in such a way that they keep inadvertently upping the stakes. Look at the episode Vault; what happens to the suspense when Fraser triggers the sprinklers? And then again, when Frannie breaks the wire?

In the example above, Fraser mentions sundown -- have they told him they’ll kill Frannie by a certain time if they don’t get what they want? Have they got tickets on a flight somewhere? Increase the danger and look for conflict -- maybe Frannie’s talked Bart into surrendering, but the noise from Ray knocking over a box makes him pull a gun on her? Is the danger the setting -- Bastardo and his boys (the Bastardettes) are keeping stolen munitions there, and the first shot will send the place sky-high? Or from externals -- the FBI will move in shortly, guns blazing, and don’t care if an inconvenient hostage gets lost in the process?

Timer. What happens when it runs out? Who knows about it -- the reader, the characters, or both?

3. Language
When you're writing dialogue, the general rule of thumb is to keep speech tags as plain as possible, because the dialogue itself should be doing the work of conveying tone and intent. In action scenes on TV, most of the work would normally be done with visuals, camera work, and some exciting music -- in a story it has to be done with words. So we want rich, evocative words for this, and in the same way we have words that evoke sex (hot, hard, lick, skin, sweat, slide, grip, stroke, wet), we want to use words that convey urgency, speed, danger, and action.

Some months ago, I posted a list of words I'd harvested from

cesperanza's story, Mangy Dog, which is chock full of wonderful action scenes, and a few people commented with some more suggestions:

blur, scream, buckle, violent, struggle, drop, flick, skim, tug, [onomatopoeia], [visceral feelings], sting, yank, grab, shove, hurl, whirl, slap, stroke, rough, pant, bob, flash, chop, bite, gust, flatten, toss, thump, creak, growl, crouch, bark, shake, fly, clumsy, jump, gnaw, skitter, scamper, trot, dangle, cock (as in ears and guns and stuff, okay?), shoot, stumble, leap, paw, twist, flip, kick, squirm, attack, scratch, bolt, hurtle, slide, skid, duck, flop, squeeze, hit, reel, crash, lurch, limp, scramble, bang, shut, thud, clatter, click, plunk, pluck, rush, throw, jerk, bubble, swirl, stab, pierce, stretch, drag, grasp, brace, lever, grip, cup, pound, sling, clutch, nudge, blink, shiver, gulp, drench, slit, smash, wince, shrug, knock, blow, shatter, haul, thrust, puff, point, jam, scrub, groan, fall, roll, grunt, hiss, rasp, scrape, slump, pry, suck, clench, grind, flush, explode, poke, choke, snap, force, thrum, echo, shave, curl, crinkle, dart, swipe, race, brush, rip, strip, tear, gouge, punch, thwack, slither, sidle, scuttle, pour, scrape, split, rend, sear, fling, dash, chase, tackle. (Feel free to add more in the comments.)

When I'm re-writing my action scenes, I always try to use a few of these. I take out the "ran"s and replace them with "raced" or "pounded" or "bolted"; I try to make sure my descriptions are vivid and intense.

4. A Couple of Thoughts About Pacing
a) Include pertinent specific details -- but not too much. If they're thundering down an old fire escape they might be dislodging a shower of rust, but you probably don't need to describe the architecture of the building (unless one of them ends up hanging onto it). If they're hurling themselves through the city street, they might upset a street vendor and send oranges and bananas rolling across the pavement, but you don't need to describe every person they pass.

Include enough to make the scene vivid, but not so much that it slows down the story.

b) Keep paragraphs fairly short. One of the things dialogue does naturally is put white space in your story, making the reader feel like they're reading quickly because there's less text on the page. In scenes without dialogue, you can compensate by varying your paragraph length and generally keeping each paragraph no more than five or six lines long.

Final thoughts
If you find car chases boring but your story needs one, look at the show again for inspiration and make it quirky. Change the vehicle (ice-cream van? zamboni? ostrich?). Work out what the characters would do. Think outside the kettle of fish. Remember Cesperanza’s Chicago’s Most Wanted with that great car chase moment when Fraser slows down to pass the school for the blind, allowing Ray to catch him (and showing that Fraser’s still the same law-abiding person despite the whole criminal mastermind thing)? Look at who else is in the scene. Looking for conflict can get you to suspense and a heightened sense of danger.

So that's what I've got: tight POV, use good words, introduce a clock/raise the stakes, and describe the setting and experience without going overboard on the detail.

Agree? Disagree? Got some other tips to throw in the mix? Or maybe you have an excellent action scene you want to rec so we can try to figure out what makes it tick? Go for your life!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think my time is universaly off. This would've been my guidebook to writing my last couple fics. Because there are some really good tips to take from this. The language thing, I think most of all. Each word you pick when you're trying to write an action scene has to be weighed against the flow of the writing.

I approach writing action as if you're trying to get from start to end in the shortest route. The language you pick has to fit in to keep the focus of the work. (discounting the plot, becuase action of goes through twists and turns, but the words themselves should be streamlined)

But that stuff about the setting and detail, that's stuff i'm going to have to keep in mind.

Each word you pick when you're trying to write an action scene has to be weighed against the flow of the writing.

Yes! Too many digressions can make things pretty confusing, too. I think you're right -- the most important thing is not to get in the way of the flow/the story. :-)

Oh, I adore what you've added! Yay for this!!

Also, now I want to see an ostrich chase! \o/

Hee! I can't take credit for the ostriches -- they were Miriam's idea. *g*

\o/

This is great. I particularly agree with the pacing points -- white space and careful selection of details can make all the difference between a scene that drags and a scene that races right along.

*bookmarks*

*imagines a chase involving both ostriches and zambonis*

*shorts out brain*

Hee! Thanks! :-)

wrt choreography, it totally IS hard. I think everything I know about it I've learned from DC Comics fic, actually, because if you're writing Batman fic, you kind of have to use the Batmobile or the jump lines that let them swing through the skyscrapers.

DS tends to focus on the foot chases (cheaper & easier to film, I guess?) or combined foot and car (and Dief!) chases. And the show's choreography of that is generally a Ray or Fraser catches sight of the suspect at the same moment the suspect catches sight of them, and then runs. That's easy to write. I think the harder thing to put in the obstacle course Fraser has to run through in order to catch (or not catch) the guy. Then you have to wonder what the Rays and/or Dief is doing. Is the bad guy shooting over his shoulder (trying to shoot a cop is a felony of its own -- is the perp that dumb)?

But I think your point about NOT overdescribing is really important here, especially if the POV character is the guy doing the chasing. There just isn't room in the character's head to believably narrate a chase in lengthy and exquisite detail. It happens so fast and the experience is so immediate that only the most strikingly relevant details are necessary. If the chaser is thinking about anything, it should be memorizing the license plate & make of the getaway car -- and not getting killed.

Hmmm...it's been a long time since I wrote a chase scene. That could be a fun thing to play with.

Golf cart chase!!!

Through the park! With Welsh and Thatcher in the cart! As Fraser and Dief run ahead and RayK prowls along the side street looking for a way to cut the bad guy's golf cart off without ruining his paint job!

(trying to shoot a cop is a felony of its own -- is the perp that dumb)

One of the things that came up in the Forensics panel at MJ was that most perps who get caught are pretty dumb. You don't have to have a genius mastermind bad guy -- it can just be someone who lost their head and shot their bridge partner or something. Because the intricacy is in the trail of clues and the logic to figuring it out, not in the original crime itself.

I think in the heat of the moment, in the show, most of the perps aren't thinking about what's a felony and what's a normal crime (uh, lingo escapes me *is pretty*) -- they're doing the flight or fight thing, the desperate cornered whatever-it-takes.

It's the cops that need to be thinking about whether it's okay to draw their guns, etc. :-)

/slightly OT

Oooh, this is all such good stuff! I'm trying to point out the specific elements I liked best, but I'm having a hard time because they are all such good points, and your examples are excellent. (And I expect an ostrich chase from you at some point! Hee.) Really nice job breaking it down.

Choreography is hard; I recommend having a significant other who studies hand-to-hand combat. ;) Seriously, though, I think one of the most difficult things about choreography is the pacing aspect; like you said about pacing in general, it's a balancing act between choosing the details that are going to make the action hit home and keeping the energy going.

Thanks for this--you've given me lots of food for thought!

Hee! The ostrich chase was all Miriam's idea.

Choreography is hard: I usually try to get around it by tightening the POV and handwaving. So long as there are viable interpretations of what's going on, I can more or less leave it up to the reader to figure it out, right? *looks hopeful*

Glad it was useful, yay! :-)

Oh this is great.

*bookmarks*

Especially the choreography part. I actually tend to sit down and stare out the window, imagining it all in my head half a milion times and then try to put it into words LOL. Along with a map of where everyone is, if I have to time an action scene. This little gem of your sure has some pointers that I'm putting into my fic writing note book ^_^

Yay, I'm glad it was helpful!

I tend to cope with the choreography aspect by tightening the POV and handwaving, but I'm really hoping someone will do a workshop post on how to set up a scene -- who goes where, etc. There must be some kind of theory/methodology behind planning that, right? :-)

This is tremendously helpful. (So...how much are you going to hate me when I take all this and apply it to the Pros story...?)

It's all so common sense--which makes a girl feel a bit of an idiot for not twigging to these things in the first place--but so practical. Lovely, perfect, easy steps. It occurs to me that action writing is best done in layers--choreography first, it seems to me: who is going where and when. And the other layers--the POV, the pacing--and finally, a once over for word choice. When it's broken down into manageable pieces like that, it doesn't seem nearly so daunting.

Wonderful!

Yay! It wasn't until I started writing this that I realised I could break it down like this. Pretty much everything here is stuff I've learned from my betas over the years. (And you can use it for the Pros. Fine! That's all just practice for DS, right? *g* DS is calling youuuuuu! Oh, speaking of which...)

I just love your Ray K's "taste-o-vision".

Hee! \o/

Once I realized that action stories had alot in common with writing the erotica (you need to know where arms, legs, hands are at all times), action sequences were easier to write.

Heh. Yep. The reverse is also true. :-)

Great stuff, all of this--came over on a reccie from

aerye, and enjoyed it a lot. I've found fight scene choreography involves being very grounded to where the center of gravity is, qwhat's the dirt or rocks or cobbles like, what the situation is, where other people are. I use a narrow VP strongly in the character's body. Darting around to other VPs tends to reduce our attachment and really dilutes the impact.
In hand-to-hand combat, if you were diagramming it like dance movements for somebody else, how would you stand and turn and move? How does the hand come up, and the fingers flatten, for a chopping gesture? How does that impact jar upward in the person's bones?
Also, how does it feel to get hit by one of those? How does your body react to it? You don't have to have martial arts training. As someone commented on writing erotica, it helps to think in detailed terms what the arms and legs are doing and how gravity is pulling that off-balance torso around so disastrously.
I tend to use short words and sentences, strong verbs, to describe it. There isn't much time for the person to process long thoughts, it feels like choppy camera shots. In real life situations, I haven't had many events where I had time to agonize and see it coming every so slowly at me. When it does, it's really awful, such as that inevitable slow car wreck happening in spite of everything you can do.
The narrowing of visual field in great stress is one reason for choppiness. Things come up on your missing peripheral vision, startling you, because you're so narrowed down on what's right in front of you.
And then the ow happens. Some of the best suspense writers really don't try to describe pain itself. They tell you the aftermath, consequences, how the person has to move after they're injured. Impractical or unlikely results have to be justified or you have to bludgeon the reader earlier with proof of your authoritative knowledge, otherwise it just looks like you don't know what you're talking about. "Look, there's an arrow sticking out of my chest, and I'm not feeling a thing!" *can* really happen.
You mentioned a bit about the characters thinking whether an opponent is a challenge or not. Having a strong bad guy who *doesn't* just fall down easily, just like inanimate objects that don't do what they're expected, is another great way to ratchet up the tension. (Or the grenade *doesn't* go off.) So is having awkward bystanders, well-meaning associates who are irritatingly slow on the uptake and wandering foolishly into the way. They're trying, in their limited way, to help out, and just making things worse!
In a sequence where the opponent is *not* easy, I suspect writers are afraid that if they make the bad guy smarter, people will feel contempt for the dumb but honest hero, or tune out because we're just doing that trope where "any intellectual is to be viewed with suspicion." But there's more interesting ways of handling a sequence than that, because there's many kinds of smart. The city rat who knows every hole, shortcut, and back door is one sort of challenge, the insane veteran who was a sooper-sekrit black-op sort who wants to kill you is another. Lots of cop shows use gangsters who anticipate your investigation, intimidate your bosses, remove your witnesses, and taunt you. It's stronger when the mobster overawes your character across other arenas too, the bad guy is a challenge for anybody so it takes clear courage to go up against this person. (Somehow I got the impression that Fraser terrifies his friends for doing this.)
Building a strong bad guy makes your character's toe-to-toe fight better. It can be sheer strength, bending-steel-bars, but having the bad guy be a real intellectual equal who out-thinks the heroes sometimes is a bigger challenge. A cunning bad guy will be able to make that chase scene double back and loop on itself and end up really hair-raising.
Cops know they can run into guys who can predict from previous encounters exactly what a properly trained cop will do, and set them up to get killed. Either of the Rays, guys with street smarts, *know* this going in, and still insist on doing it anyway. Now that's a fight scene where it *matters*.

Oops, sorry for the very late reply, and thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. Yay!

I tend to use short words and sentences, strong verbs, to describe it. There isn't much time for the person to process long thoughts, it feels like choppy camera shots.

*nodnodnod* Also, if I'm alternating POVs I often shorten the sections during action scenes to add to that quick-cut feeling.

In a sequence where the opponent is *not* easy, I suspect writers are afraid that if they make the bad guy smarter, people will feel contempt for the dumb but honest hero, or tune out because we're just doing that trope where "any intellectual is to be viewed with suspicion."

You think? Even in DS, where Fraser is anything but dumb? I think the reason I don't have smart bad guys is because I'd have to be smart enough to think them up! *g* You know? Writing masterminds requires access to how masterminds think. I'm intimidated by the thought.

But yes, there's lots of ways around this, as you say -- having the bad guy know the area, for example. Or just having them have a plan. I think it's useful to have a clear fix on what the bad guy's trying to achieve, too. It's rarely "beating the good guys", and usually more like "get the money/blow up the building/whatever". What lengths are they prepared to go to, to do this and why?

Thanks again. :-)

Yes!! Another thing I keep reminding myself (not that I always listen very well!) = work out what the bad guy is really trying to do--probably not anything much to do with the heroes, they're just obnoxiously getting *in the way* of world domination plot #7, beta test version 2 or 3 (because they foiled #1, of course, which must be annoying as all get out.)

Hey, you know, I keep trying to compose a thoughtful response to this and things keep interrupting and it's looking like maybe it isn't going to happen. But! I did want to let you know that this was hugely helpful, and it made me get all thinky and want to try new stuff, and I have bookmarked it for many future perusals. So thank you.

Belatedly replying, sorry.

Oh, awesome! In that case, we're even, after your wonderful post on writing kissing. :-D

Also late, but...

I've gone as far as drawing a floor plan. I also mentally storyboard some scenes. I think it's possible to write sex of the top of my head because I've done that, but fight scenes, car chases, shootouts - not really part of my experience. Action scenes probably give me more trouble than anything else I write. I hope this will entice me to write some.

The vocabulary list is already copied into my Random Notes page - I just know that's going to get a lot of use.

Glad it was helpful, yay! Thanks. :-D

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From custardpringle: How to write action scenes and chases

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pondering choreography

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right!

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