From [livejournal.com profile] custardpringle: How to write action scenes and chases

May. 10th, 2007 12:37 pm
china_shop: Close-up of Zhao Yunlan grinning (Dangerous with gun)
[personal profile] china_shop posting in [community profile] ds_workshop
Acknowledgements
Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] sageness for beta, to Miriam for her substantial input to this, and to both of them for hundreds of betas over the years, which have taught me heaps.


So what do you mean by “action scene”, anyway?
When we talk about action scenes, we’re looking at anything from hand-to-hand fights and shoot outs, to car chases. And Due South canonically has a lot of them, so if you want to evoke the flavour and feel of canon, consider adding one or two into your story.

I chose to discuss action scenes because they’re not my forte: watching movies, I often zone out when the dialogue stops, and only tune back in when the main character says, “Phew! We made it!” (And then I have to figure out who died and whether I care.) I’ve been known to write [insert action scene here] in my first drafts, and then I either come up with something in the rewrite -- making it as quirky as possible -- or get help from my betas.

And there’ve been several action scenes where I’ve had to rewrite them half a dozen times, changing the setting on each rewrite because logistically they just don’t work. But when I nail an action scene, when it does work? It’s satisfying, it adds depth and scale to the story, it emphasizes that I’m writing about cops, and that they live in a big complex world that encompasses more than Kowalski’s apartment, his couch and his bed. ;-) And I always feel like I learned something.


What makes action scenes tick?
In action scenes, the primary action is external to the characters, and there are often strong elements of suspense, danger and pacing. But like every scene in the story, action scenes need to relate to plot, character and theme. (Similarly, the suspense shouldn’t be limited to just the action scenes.)

You need to think about what your action scene has and needs, and why it’s there. Are you trying to highlight a breakdown in the main pairing’s working relationship? Are you providing an opportunity for Fraser to face the possibility of Ray’s death? Do you want to show the lengths Ray will go to, to prove himself to Fraser? Or force Ray to trust Fraser despite the other events of the story? Do you just want our guys to be big damn heroes triumphing over infamy and evil? A lot of the action scenes on the show are very well done, and you can borrow inspiration from these very easily.

There are a whole raft of facets to writing action scenes: choreography (who goes where and does what, when), clocks, pacing, point of view, language, and probably others. I'm going to focus on POV and language, and touch on clocks and pacing, and then hope that someone else covers off choreography. If they do, I'll gobble up their words of wisdom with glee.

So -- assuming you know basically what happens, what can you do to give your action scene more zing, more immediacy, more breathless suspense?


1. Tighten the POV
You could say, "Ray and Fraser ran into the warehouse where Big Bart Bastardo was holding a knife to Frannie's throat."

That gives us some information, but if this scene is the climax of your story (A or B plot, either) you want to get some juice into it. Whose POV is it from? What are they thinking, feeling? What can they see and hear and taste and feel? Is Ray exhausted from days of tracking Big Bart, is he doubly scared because Big Bart has vowed to shoot Fraser on sight? If it's Kowalski, does he have his glasses with him? If it's Vecchio, is he worrying about Frannie and about how Ma's going to react if Frannie gets hurt? Is he distracted by Fraser's earlier reaction to his romantic overtures?

Or is Fraser pissed because his father's given him ridiculous advice again? Is he wondering where Dief is? Is his back giving him trouble?

And for both (or all three) of them: how do they feel about Frannie (protective, frustrated, worried, etc), and how much do they consider Big Bart a worthy adversary.

All of these things will affect the POV character's mental state, and consequently, his perceptions. You don't need to answer any of these questions outright in the text, but if you have a clear sense of your POV character's mental state, it'll come through in the writing, and if they're scared or angry, that adds tension to the scene.

A story is like a snowball rolling down a hill: it's cumulative. It picks up reactions and consequences and smooshes them all together, building and building until it smashes into the climax and makes an unholy mess, sticks and leaves and bits of snow flying everywhere.

So maybe that scene from above could start like this:
Vecchio: Fraser led the way into the shadowy loading dock of the warehouse, and Ray followed, keeping a careful eye out for sentinels or other goombahs who might raise an alarm. The tiredness in his shoulders was forgotten: they had to get this right. If anything happened to Frannie -- Ray couldn't even think about it. He fixed his eye on the brown uniform and upright posture in front of him. Fraser had never let him down before...

or
Kowalski: Jeez, the warehouse stunk to high heaven! Rotting meat or something like it -- and Ray hoped to hell it wasn't rotting people meat and tried not to gag. Fraser slid along in the shadows like an eel and snuck into the loading dock ahead of Ray. Nothing about him gave any kind of sign he'd said the word "fuck" even once in his life. Let alone done it. Ray's head flashed full of vivid technicolor pictures with surround-sound and taste-o-vision. He shook his head. They had to save Frannie -- everything else could wait...

or
Fraser: The warehouse was likely occupied, given the assembled vehicles in the parking lot outside. Fraser checked his watch and calculated the hours till sundown. Ray was still on edge from their conversation in the car -- perhaps Fraser's revelation had been ill-timed but, well, at least it was out now, all their cards spread face-up on the table.

Voices sounded faintly from inside the warehouse: rough, masculine cursing and -- yes, Francesca, too, her tone outraged and wobbling with fear. Fraser abandoned all thought of his personal feelings and glanced back to make sure Ray was close behind. He was. He met Fraser's eye and nodded, holding up three fingers. Fraser cocked his head, listened a moment, then held up four -- one for Bastardo and one for each of his three henchmen...



2. Clocks and Bombs
If you want to introduce an element of suspense to your action scene, you need a clock (a countdown or a deadline) and a bomb (something bad triggered by the timer). The easy way to build suspense is to keep emphasising both elements (put the time in your story; cut between Kowalski tied to the tracks and the train bearing down on him). For an even greater effect, have your characters respond to your danger in such a way that they keep inadvertently upping the stakes. Look at the episode Vault; what happens to the suspense when Fraser triggers the sprinklers? And then again, when Frannie breaks the wire?

In the example above, Fraser mentions sundown -- have they told him they’ll kill Frannie by a certain time if they don’t get what they want? Have they got tickets on a flight somewhere? Increase the danger and look for conflict -- maybe Frannie’s talked Bart into surrendering, but the noise from Ray knocking over a box makes him pull a gun on her? Is the danger the setting -- Bastardo and his boys (the Bastardettes) are keeping stolen munitions there, and the first shot will send the place sky-high? Or from externals -- the FBI will move in shortly, guns blazing, and don’t care if an inconvenient hostage gets lost in the process?

Timer. What happens when it runs out? Who knows about it -- the reader, the characters, or both?


3. Language
When you're writing dialogue, the general rule of thumb is to keep speech tags as plain as possible, because the dialogue itself should be doing the work of conveying tone and intent. In action scenes on TV, most of the work would normally be done with visuals, camera work, and some exciting music -- in a story it has to be done with words. So we want rich, evocative words for this, and in the same way we have words that evoke sex (hot, hard, lick, skin, sweat, slide, grip, stroke, wet), we want to use words that convey urgency, speed, danger, and action.

Some months ago, I posted a list of words I'd harvested from [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza's story, Mangy Dog, which is chock full of wonderful action scenes, and a few people commented with some more suggestions:
blur, scream, buckle, violent, struggle, drop, flick, skim, tug, [onomatopoeia], [visceral feelings], sting, yank, grab, shove, hurl, whirl, slap, stroke, rough, pant, bob, flash, chop, bite, gust, flatten, toss, thump, creak, growl, crouch, bark, shake, fly, clumsy, jump, gnaw, skitter, scamper, trot, dangle, cock (as in ears and guns and stuff, okay?), shoot, stumble, leap, paw, twist, flip, kick, squirm, attack, scratch, bolt, hurtle, slide, skid, duck, flop, squeeze, hit, reel, crash, lurch, limp, scramble, bang, shut, thud, clatter, click, plunk, pluck, rush, throw, jerk, bubble, swirl, stab, pierce, stretch, drag, grasp, brace, lever, grip, cup, pound, sling, clutch, nudge, blink, shiver, gulp, drench, slit, smash, wince, shrug, knock, blow, shatter, haul, thrust, puff, point, jam, scrub, groan, fall, roll, grunt, hiss, rasp, scrape, slump, pry, suck, clench, grind, flush, explode, poke, choke, snap, force, thrum, echo, shave, curl, crinkle, dart, swipe, race, brush, rip, strip, tear, gouge, punch, thwack, slither, sidle, scuttle, pour, scrape, split, rend, sear, fling, dash, chase, tackle. (Feel free to add more in the comments.)

When I'm re-writing my action scenes, I always try to use a few of these. I take out the "ran"s and replace them with "raced" or "pounded" or "bolted"; I try to make sure my descriptions are vivid and intense.


4. A Couple of Thoughts About Pacing
a) Include pertinent specific details -- but not too much. If they're thundering down an old fire escape they might be dislodging a shower of rust, but you probably don't need to describe the architecture of the building (unless one of them ends up hanging onto it). If they're hurling themselves through the city street, they might upset a street vendor and send oranges and bananas rolling across the pavement, but you don't need to describe every person they pass.

Include enough to make the scene vivid, but not so much that it slows down the story.

b) Keep paragraphs fairly short. One of the things dialogue does naturally is put white space in your story, making the reader feel like they're reading quickly because there's less text on the page. In scenes without dialogue, you can compensate by varying your paragraph length and generally keeping each paragraph no more than five or six lines long.


Final thoughts
If you find car chases boring but your story needs one, look at the show again for inspiration and make it quirky. Change the vehicle (ice-cream van? zamboni? ostrich?). Work out what the characters would do. Think outside the kettle of fish. Remember Cesperanza’s Chicago’s Most Wanted with that great car chase moment when Fraser slows down to pass the school for the blind, allowing Ray to catch him (and showing that Fraser’s still the same law-abiding person despite the whole criminal mastermind thing)? Look at who else is in the scene. Looking for conflict can get you to suspense and a heightened sense of danger.

So that's what I've got: tight POV, use good words, introduce a clock/raise the stakes, and describe the setting and experience without going overboard on the detail.

Agree? Disagree? Got some other tips to throw in the mix? Or maybe you have an excellent action scene you want to rec so we can try to figure out what makes it tick? Go for your life!

Date: 2007-05-11 12:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aerye.livejournal.com
This is tremendously helpful. (So...how much are you going to hate me when I take all this and apply it to the Pros story...?)

It's all so common sense--which makes a girl feel a bit of an idiot for not twigging to these things in the first place--but so practical. Lovely, perfect, easy steps. It occurs to me that action writing is best done in layers--choreography first, it seems to me: who is going where and when. And the other layers--the POV, the pacing--and finally, a once over for word choice. When it's broken down into manageable pieces like that, it doesn't seem nearly so daunting.

Wonderful!

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