this week's story: "In the Water" by gurrier

[gurrier.livejournal.com]

To get the ball rolling, I'm submitting a story of mine called In the Water.

Due South is the first fandom I've ever written in, and the first time I've written fiction since leaving school nearly 20 years ago. That's a long time without worrying about plot, structure, characterisation - anything! People have said nice things, which feels really good, but I'm left wondering. What didn't work? What could I do better? So i'd really appreciate some critical feedback.

This week's moderator is sprat, sprat75@gmail.com.

Comments

[gurrier.livejournal.com]

But if I think of him instead as having a definite, constant awareness of Stella leaving him, and being not quite reconciled to that (which I think is more likely) then this sentence makes more sense.

That's the way I think of Ray - still working out who he is now he's no longer part of Stella'n'Ray. I'd like to have shown it better though!

So there we go--my thoughts. Hope they're helpful, and if not helpful, at least marginally coherent. :)

Definitely! I'm pretty new to writing, still feeling my way. It's great when people leave squeeful feedback, but it's even better when they take the time to say what could be improved.