Summary: "Appearances" by yeungmaisu

[sprat.livejournal.com]

Sorry I'm so late with the summary this week. I've been moving, and have actually not had access to the internet for the past...five days? Decade? Something like that. *g*

Anyway, my apologies. And now on to the discussion...

gurrier thought that Ray's behaviour in the poem was in character, but that the voice sounded off--too analytical for Ray, not instinctive enough. She liked the structure of this line: "So I'll change my hair, lose the glasses, wear the leather, get the tat" but wondered if it might sound more Ray-like if it was more staccato--if the commas were periods, for instance. She also thought Ray might use less formal wording in places, and kijikun later agreed.

gurrier thought the last line of the poem described exactly how she imagined Ray to have been as a teenager, and that it was a nice set up for his growth as a character in Due South.

kijikun also thought that Ray's actions in the poem were in character for him. She thought that the issues with Ray's voice might be resolved if the poem was not narrated from his point of view, but from an outside viewpoint instead.

Comments

Summary: "Appearances" by yeungmaisu

[yeungmaisu.livejournal.com]

No apologies needed, S. I hope your move was successful and painless.

While the experience was somewhat unnerving, it's one I feel I learned from. So I'll definitely want to try it again.

Take care now and thank you again for starting the community.

Re: Summary: "Appearances" by yeungmaisu

[sprat.livejournal.com]

Thank you for participating! And I'm glad to hear you want to try it again. :)