this week's story: "Perfection in the Work" by KindKit

[kindkit.livejournal.com]

I kind of agonized over which story to submit for critique, but in the end I decided on the due South story that I'm proudest of. My reasoning being that I don't need people telling me about the story flaws I can see already, but about the ones I don't notice.

I'm still pretty new to the fandom, and I suppose my main worry in fic is getting the characters' voices right. Especially Fraser's--I haven't dared attempt his POV yet. So comments about the voices and how to improve them, in both dialogue and narration, would be particularly welcome.

Anyway, here's the story: Perfection in the Work, Fraser/Kowalski, rated R.

ETA: This week's moderator is gurrier, gurrier @ comcast.net.

Comments

[zebra363.livejournal.com]

I see why you're proud of this story. The ending, from But Fraser's got no way to know that, because Fraser's never been with anybody, not for serious, onwards, is just great. I really love Ray's analysis of Fraser's relationship skills. His thoughts sound very in character to me and that whole section really packs an emotional punch. (The something with tomatoes adds a lot, too!)

The one thing that kind of jarred for me was the mention of dancing in the paragraph about types of work. It's something that you'd have to make an effort to learn to do well, but I don't see it as "work".

I also wondered whether Ray would really be all that sore and tired from lifting bags of soil. I like to think of him as tougher than that! Even "city fit" should be good enough to handle some gardening, at least after a day or two of it.

Lines I especially liked:

...makes his own sausage with caribou meat...
...so maybe they bring the normal with them...
...so they can meet here in the middle and be together.

Butch, and Ray's generosity towards what he might get up to with his handkerchief, are great, too!

[kindkit.livejournal.com]

I also wondered whether Ray would really be all that sore and tired from lifting bags of soil.

Good point. I was picturing him doing a fair amount of heavy hauling and lifting (moving wheelbarrows full of bagged soil, turning compost), mostly because I wanted to underscore the whole notion of work and sweat and all that. But of course, Ray is someone who boxes--he's used to hard physical activity.

Thanks so much for your comments! I'm especially glad you liked Butch--I had a lot of fun writing him.