this week's story: "In the Water" by gurrier

[gurrier.livejournal.com]

To get the ball rolling, I'm submitting a story of mine called In the Water.

Due South is the first fandom I've ever written in, and the first time I've written fiction since leaving school nearly 20 years ago. That's a long time without worrying about plot, structure, characterisation - anything! People have said nice things, which feels really good, but I'm left wondering. What didn't work? What could I do better? So i'd really appreciate some critical feedback.

This week's moderator is sprat, sprat75@gmail.com.

Comments

[nasrani.livejournal.com]

I think it's interesting that Ray's thoughts occurs in sudden short bursts. In the first part about swimming, his narrative flow feels halting.

The thing is, it does fit the um, mood of the swimming? A little like in tandem with his strokes of something.

Ending was very Fraser. His reaction was absolutely nailed. I can see him using his polite don't-understand-would-you-care-to-elaborate to face Ray at first and then when the truth finally sinks, he comes back with such intensity.

[/end of babbling critique]

All in all, yaay fic! :)

[gurrier.livejournal.com]

Ending was very Fraser.

It's been really interesting getting people's viewpoints on this! Everyone seems to have a different take on what's going on in Fraser's head, on how he would behave in this situation.