Summary: "Deep Cover" by Kijikun

[sprat.livejournal.com]

Gah, late again, I know. Sorry everyone! *g*

layniek4172 enjoyed the use of the "undercover-in-a-gay-sex-club" cliche, and thought the line Ray wanted to hit him. To kiss him. To do anything that would get his best friend to look him in the eye again. expressed Ray's confusion very well. She wondered about Ray's reaction to Fraser's comments in the club, since she thought it would have seemed obvious to Ray that Fraser was just pretending. zebra363 wanted more explanation for this as well. kijikun agreed that she could have elaborated on Ray's motivations here.

layniek4172 thought Fraser's voice was fine for the most part, though she thought having him use a few more contractions would ensure he didn't sound too formal. zebra363 agreed.

zebra363 wished there was a little more explanation for how Ray and Fraser got from pretending to be a couple to the back-alley blow-job. She also wondered about Fraser's being portrayed as a good dancer in the story, citing his Mountie Sings The Blues...um, "dancing" to back up her point *g*. She thought Fraser might have danced well in an earlier episode, though.

She liked the bit where Fraser stared at the pink neon sign, saying it gave a clear image of where they were without simply telling the reader about the setting. She also had some grammatical suggestions--particularly, she mentioned that consistency is a good rule of thumb where punctuation is concerned.

New story coming right up...