gurrier (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
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ds_workshop2005-09-26 10:08 am
gurrier.livejournal.com) wrote in ds_workshop2005-09-26 10:08 am
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Summary: "April After All" by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sprat
Sorry this is a bit late, RL getting in the way again!
riverlight especially liked the voice here, for both Rays. She enjoyed the characterization too - the details of what RayK finds hot, RayV using the "same steady gaze" on Larkin and RayK. She wondered whether RayK really would have 'really would have a "total lack of discretion in who he flirts with"', but decided she could see it.
zebra363 didn't feel qualified to comment on the RayV voice, but thought the RayK stuff was excellent. She thought the time line was a bit off, that it might have been to late for RayV to bring RayK home to meet his mother. She found that the janitor paragraph threw her out of the story somewhat, that it was a bit slow. sprat said these were both points her beta china_shop had brought up!
Thanks toriverlight and zebra363 for their responses. Our next piece will be along later today!
riverlight especially liked the voice here, for both Rays. She enjoyed the characterization too - the details of what RayK finds hot, RayV using the "same steady gaze" on Larkin and RayK. She wondered whether RayK really would have 'really would have a "total lack of discretion in who he flirts with"', but decided she could see it.zebra363 didn't feel qualified to comment on the RayV voice, but thought the RayK stuff was excellent. She thought the time line was a bit off, that it might have been to late for RayV to bring RayK home to meet his mother. She found that the janitor paragraph threw her out of the story somewhat, that it was a bit slow. sprat said these were both points her beta china_shop had brought up!Thanks to
riverlight and zebra363 for their responses. Our next piece will be along later today!