this week's story: "Knowing Me, Knowing You" by china_shop

[china_shop]

I dithered about which story to choose. I wanted to pick one that I'm not entirely happy with but can't figure out why, so I can get the benefit of your collective wisdom. But that still gave me many to choose from, alas. ;-)

Anyway, mental coin toss and I pick Knowing Me, Knowing You.

Feel free to point out right off that the title was a terrible idea. Heh.

Although I did work on this story during the beta process, I think it suffers from basically being a collection of notes or too-brief segments. I feel like I never rounded it out properly. Maybe some of the transitions don't quite work. Maybe it doesn't linger enough on the moments to let the tension build. Maybe I didn't flesh out the world enough. Or maybe those aspects are fine, and something else doesn't work. I don't know. What do you think?

You can find it here: Knowing Me, Knowing You, Ray/Ray, rated PG

This week's moderator is gurrier. She can be reached at gurrier [at] comcast [dot] net.